I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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