god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
