I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
