First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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