I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize