Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You ruined the universe
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
