i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
