I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
