well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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