so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
