So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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