the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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