we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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