i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize