I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
