I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
