I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
3 2 1 whiskey
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My feet surprised me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
