Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
