these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
