why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
