She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
