I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
