i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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