break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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