once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
