Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
