Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
