I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
