sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
