Pants 0. Shit 1.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
