found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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