I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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