the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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