yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
