I'm eating all of the evidence.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
