I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize