I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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