im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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