There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
