Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
