i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
