Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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