Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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