You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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