My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
