I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
