I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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