The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize