I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
