Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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