so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
