his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
