He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
