i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
