If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
