i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
