Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize