pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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