I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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