Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
