remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
