Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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