I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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