I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
