I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the day after is always just damage control
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
