WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
