Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
