But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
