That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
