yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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