Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
