Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize