Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
