I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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