Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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