yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
