i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
