Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
