I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
