the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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