Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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