Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
